Remote, remote, remote

by Juliana Mitchell

Three words remote, remote, remote. If you really want to get away from it all, this is the place. But it takes travel, and if you don't like little prop planes, bring a handful of Xanax (as I did) or forget it! You arrive at the international airport on a big jet (ok no problem) however then you board a tiny prop (we're talking a 6 seater here) which flies you to the "city" of Dangriga. Don't get me wrong the flight was perfect, these guys do it all day long, but it was the thought of one propeller keeping the plane airborne that spooked me. The Dangriga "airport" is literally a swath cut out of the coastal bush, a wind sock and a shack. This is the third world make no mistake. We were met promptly by an employee of Jaguar Reef who took us on a 40 minute odyssey on the dirt "highways" of Belize. The ride was bumpy but made quite pleasant by the stories our driver told us. Belize is very poor, although you would never know it from the attitude of the Belizean people. Some might be shocked by the shacks and the seeming abject poverty these people live in, but one experiences no rancor from the locals - and no, I'm not on a "happy native" kick - it's only that I have been places where this sort of hospitality did not exist.

Upon arrival at the club we were stunned by the beauty of the place. Landscaped amongst the sand are beds of tropical flowers. The roofs of the cabanas and the main house are thatched as is the Belizean custom. The few cottages are clustered around the main house in a semicircle. You are greeted and checked in with great expediency (they know you are coming). We did not actually stay on the resort property but in the Na Balum beach house about a 5 minute walk down the beach. We stopped at the bar to pick up the requisite rum punch (this is still after all the Caribbean) and wandered out onto the small open air dining room. About 15 simple tables all afford a glorious view of the Caribbean Sea. We checked out the swimming pool (small but functional) and then wandered down to the beach here they have beach chairs shaded by palms from the burning sun and double hammocks to while the day away. We then made our way down the beach to Na Balum - what a perfect spot.

The house has two rental levels, we had the bottom, with a living room equipped with a futon couch, a full kitchen with bottled water, simple bathroom and a bedroom with a double bed, alarm clock (as if you'd need it!) and a sliding glass door that opens to the sea. Since there is virtually no crime in Belize we slept with that door open every night, lulled to sleep by the sound of the lapping waves. Just in between Na Balum and the Jaguar Reef is a tiny inn with 4 rooms run by Canadian ex-pats. I recommend taking most of your meals there as the food is far tastier and cheaper than at the lodge - their pizza is to die for. We did take several meals at the lodge and they were fairly ordinary, with a few Belizean dishes thrown in - nothing to write home about, although the service is perfect.

The real draw of Belize is the rainforests and the reef (the largest in the Northern Hemisphere) you must take at least one tour if not several while you are there! We did two - the first was the rainforest and ruins. I was a bit disappointed in the ruins as they were not what I expected to see (these tend to be in the north of Belize) the ruin we saw was extremely old and thus it had been reduced to a pile of rocks, hardly the awe-inspiring temples one expect - but the jungle is another story, wild pineapples, wild parrots, snakes, (bring hiking boots and bug spray). There are two hikes, one considered "difficult" and one moderate. During the difficult hike our guide laid rope so we could get back down a particularly steep slope, half way through I was thinking - "What the hell am I doing?" - this is a VACATION. But the pay off at the end was a waterfall whose equal I have never experienced. We got to swim in it! Heaven! I think the photo of me looking happier than I have ever looked was taken in those falls. We spent a while there then headed back down for lunch. I was in the lead and scared something awfully large in the brush; our guide assured me that it was not a jaguar (they are nocturnal) but most likely a wild boar - still! We had a wonderful boxed lunch sitting by a stream and talking to the three other couples who trekked with us. It was very enlightening as Belize attracts some interesting characters. Then we started our "moderate" hike, although I would deem it easy and I am in no shape at all. All the while our guide pointed out the flora and fauna, and even though he does this once a day, there was nothing jaded in his presentation. Again at the end a beautiful waterfall and more swimming - what a pleasure! Trekked back and returned to the lodge in an (unfortunately) un-air-conditioned van (most are).

Make no mistake, Belize is hot - and if you are not used to extremely hot weather I recommend getting an air-conditioned cabana of which they have several. That night we lay on our backs in the sand in front of our condo. No one around, no other resorts to light up the sky, it was as black as coal. The stars were exceptional and the ambience romantic. Mind you three is nothing to do at the lodge past about 9 PM so you must make your own fun (wink, wink).

We also went on the all day a snorkeling trip. Belize is a divers paradise (and rightly so) and there is a dive shop right next to the lodge, but neither of us are certified so we settled for snorkeling. The small boat took us 12 miles off the coast, to the reef and we had 3 dive stops. The Belizeans are very eco conscious so we got a lecture about touching nothing (which I think is good). The world beneath the sea is like nothing I have seen before, the fish are splendiferous and the coral extraordinary. Our guide was again friendly and enthusiastic and brought a card with picture of the different fish so we could identify what we had seen. On our last dive we say a manta ray 7 feet long, at least 400 lbs., our guide estimated. Some (not me thank goodness ) saw barracuda. No one saw a shark, although they do exist there. We pit stopped at a tiny island to have lunch and use the facilities. Unfortunately, I got seasick on the ride home (no one else did) but was told that Bonine would have prevented this. However it was all worth that post trip bathroom jag as I will never forget what I saw. Please note that tipping the guides is expected but not hard to do as they really do give their all. We were picked up for our flight out exactly on time which really amazed me since these people are certainly not in the kid of rush most westerners are.

A word of warning - you do not want to end up in a Belizean dentist office, as I did when a filling came out. In all, the jaguar reef is highly recommended - it is quiet, it is remote, it is luxurious and friendly, and it is a world away from anything I've ever experienced.

No problem, Mon!

Ciboney, Jamaica

by Juliana Mitchell

Jamaica is one of the most-traveled honeymoon islands in the Caribbean with tons of resorts, from small and intimate to places where the partying goes on 'til dawn. We chose something in between.

Ciboney is about a forty minute bus ride from the Kingston airport and most airlines will fly direct from major US cities. My favorite airline to fly to the Caribbean is Air Jamaica. Now I know you may be wondering "who the hell is flying those planes?" But have no fear they have partnered with Delta and are extremely professional. And since they know most people are flying to either their honeymoon or anniversary they try to make the flight extra special. All their "lovebird" flights include free beer, wine and champagne (yummy), and they keep you entertained on even the shortest flights with videos, food and fashion shows.

On Arrival, you will be met at the airport and immediately handed a Red Stripe, the beer of Jamaica, then board a large greyhound sized bus for the ride to Ciboney. The roads are good for the most part, and the guides will point out places of interest along the way all the while continuing to ply you with Red Stripe. No worries - there will be a bathroom pit stop!

The resort sits up on a hill with breathtaking views of the Caribbean Sea. You will be ferried up to your villa in a golf cart and a porter will help you settle in. The villa will consist of four units in each building. There is a sitting room with decidedly uncomfortable rattan furniture (I guess they think you won't spend too much time there) a full kitchen, fridge stocked with beer, wine, rum and juices and a bedroom with lovely louvered windows opening to the sweet smells of bougainvillea bushes. We were given the impression that our villa would also be stocked with snacks but that was unfortunately not the case, and a bit of a let down. There is a television in the sitting area with satellite TV should you want to watch sports or movies.

Behind the villa is a pool you will share with the other rooms in the villa. We lucked out in that there was only one other couple in our unit and they never seemed to use the pool. The resort is not directly on the ocean but they have rights to a beach at another resort just down the hill and a shuttle runs all day. The beach is small and fills up quickly. I found that a bit of a let down. They do have all of the requisite water sports available, wave runners, sailing, water-skiing, parasailing, diving etc. There are many wandering vendors on the beach, and you can get pretty much anything you want from them including the plant Jamaica is so well known for - ahem. The vendors can be quite pushy at times but usually a firm "no thank you" will work.

The resort is all-inclusive so your meals and drinks are covered. There are several restaurants which serve everything from traditional Jamaican fare to continental to burgers. I found the Jamaican patties addictive! Throughout the resort are paths that lead to several communal outdoor Jacuzzis, wonderfully refreshing after a walk.

The main house also has an impressive pool with waterfall and swim-up bar. The grounds are truly gorgeous but marred a bit by chain link fences with barbed wire at the top, giving the resort a bit of an "armed camp" feel. But since crime is a problem in Jamaica, I guess these measures are necessary.

The resort also boasts a spa. I found the spa lacking, the treatments seemed rushed and the spa therapists uninterested. In all I found the staff to be friendly but in a forced sort of way. The hospitality was a bit insincere.

All in all the price is right here, you get a lot for your money, but I had trouble getting over the fact that a lot of the smiling and "no problem mon" veiled a real dislike of visitor. To be fair, this is a very poor island and perhaps the attitude is understandable. There is much to see, from the gorgeous Blue Mountains that produce some of the world's best coffee, to waterfalls and rivers. You can take jeep tours, horse back ride or just laze around in the sun. If it's a good deal on luxury you are looking for Ciboney is for you!

A last word of warning: if you choose to indulge in the local "product", DO NOT, repeat DO NOT, attempt to bring it back with you to the US - there will be dogs at the airport.